


All Eyes On Me (Your Eyes On Me)

by IMakeMyselfLol



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Music, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asshole Cas, Awkward Conversations, Band Fic, Bisexual Dean, Commitment issues Cas, Destiel - Freeform, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Law Student Sam, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oblivious Castiel, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Castiel, Promiscuous Castiel, Protective Everyone, Romance, Romantic Dean, Rookie Dean, Rude Castiel, Self-Sacrificing Dean, Singer Castiel, Singer Dean, Slow Burn, Songwriting, Stubborn Castiel, WIP, musicians au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-04 03:27:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4124028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IMakeMyselfLol/pseuds/IMakeMyselfLol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Musicians AU</p><p>"Castiel didn't want him here, wanted him gone by the next month at least. He didn't need help from anyone, especially not some nobody rookie hick with a pretty face. Dean Winchester was not a friend, he was the enemy. The sooner he could show everyone else that, the better." </p><p>Castiel Novak is the lead singer of a multiplatinum selling band that's seven tracks short of a fifth album.<br/>Dean Winchester is an up and coming star with no option but to succeed, and a new job opportunity that could change his life, if he can keep it.<br/>Music. Drama. Family. Love.<br/>Everything hangs in the balance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Strangers, we're nothing but strangers.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing, not any of the characters or any of the songs used unless otherwise stated wish though I might that I did.  
> This is my first step into the Supernatural fic arena so kindness would be appreciated, here goes nothing! The title is from the song Sinking Man by Of Monsters and Men

**"This town ain't yours and this town ain't mine,**

**We all come here with the light in our eyes,**

**Some will burn out,**

**Some will burn bright,**

**some learn to fly some will run for their lives,**

**In this town, This town" - This town, Nashville -[>](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lGS5ISuy7ZQ)**

 

**Winter**

 

" _The jury's out on this one folks as the rumour mill once again swirls around bad-boy rock front man Castiel N_ -"

The TV shut off abruptly and Dean groaned into his breakfast. He hadn't even heard the front door open. It was always the same thing with his manager though, there was never a warning text or even a polite knock before he was there, whether Dean was dressed or not. To be fair today he had track pants on at least, the frequency with which Crowley managed to see him essentially nude was impressive. The argument that he should clothe himself more often had been made, and dismissed. Clothes were for when there were people around and as far as Dean was concerned his demon of a manager didn't count.

"Crowley, to what do I owe this dubious pleasure? EP bomb? TMZ reveal I'm actually a robot from the future here to save John Connor? People no longer listen to music? The universe is about to implode?" Dean hid a smirk, biting the apple in his hand and slouching over the counter top while Crowley made his way around the kitchen, dropping a coffee cup at Dean's elbow before scurrying to stand across from him, and for a second Dean thought he might not sass him back, and where was the fun in that?

"Haha Deano, comic genius really, maybe you should have been a comic instead of a musician. I brought coffee and news so either shut up and drink the abomination in a cup you American's call coffee or just shut up, either way," he pointedly ignored the affronted gasp, holding up a hand in placation "silence."

Dean knew what battles to fight, and the fact that he'd actually gone and ordered the Apple Pie coffee from Dunkin was serious enough that the silence was pretty natural. Also _screw_ Crowley, it was damn delicious and even better warm than cold so he sipped at it in all its cinnamon sugar glory while Crowley pulled out his laptop.

 

Sugar cravings had become the norm since Sam had last skyped him and pleaded for Dean to eat healthier, and when that boy used his puppy dog eyes there was no saying anything else, you were doing what he asked. Didn't seem to matter much that he was verging 6 and a half feet tall and two years away from being a fully qualified lawyer, Dean would never be a match for his pleading face. The health kick was slightly annoying, but if he was honest Dean had never felt better about his health in general. Limiting himself to oneto two fast food items a month had done wonders for his lethargy, and his muse, probably because he was actually doing some proper sleeping instead of driving, touring, eating and watching TV. Who knew vegetables and exercise could have so many benefits?

"So. I've been emailing back and forth with an old friend of mine in the business, Lucifer Natas." Dean's jaw dropped.

"As in _the_ Lucifer, like, Hellfire Records, Room full of Grammy's, Career making or breaking _that_ Lucifer?"

"Yes, that Lucifer, although when I knew him we all called him Lucy because of this one time when- well maybe that's one I'll keep in the back pocket. Anyway, back to the point, I may have mentioned you, sent him a few of your tracks, the unreleased stuff obviously, and he apparently liked what he heard because he has a problem he wants our assistance with." Crowley grinned briefly behind the screen of his laptop before turning it around so Dean could see the photo displayed on screen. "What do you know about this band?" He asked smugly while Dean pulled the machine closer and rolled his eyes.

"Crowley everyone knows who these guys are, what does that have to do with anything?" He complained, but Crowley simply tapped the side of his nose and said "Indulge me."

With a sigh, Dean put down his apple core and wiped his hands quickly on his bottoms before grabbing the laptop and giving into Crowley's inherent need for dramatic buildup.

"This is Black Wing, Four man literal band of brothers: Gabriel on drums and percussion, Raphael on bass and rhythm guitar, Balthazar on keyboard, synth, electronics basically and of course the infamous front man and lyricist Castiel. Currently have four record breaking albums and rumour has it there's a fifth on the way. Satisfied?" Crowley chuckled and shrugged at his growl.

"What can I say, I'm an entertainer Dean and my public demands drama, look at the BBC, us Brits are always up for it. But to answer your question before you throw that cup at me, yes I'm satisfied. Now on to the main event." Crowley said drolly. "Black wing have been a part of Hellfire since their first album went platinum, and you were right, their fifth album is due for release next summer. A reality that poses a small problem in that they're short about, oh I don't know, seven usable tracks? Which has Lucy a bit nervous to put it nicely, and he's called all sorts of people to try get that fixed with no luck. But then he heard your EP and came to my door." He affected nonchalance, picking at his fingernails while Dean fidgeted.

"Crowley is this going where I think it's going?" Dean said carefully, wishing now that he'd put on a shirt, maybe had a meeting in the actual office space he'd created in this apartment for moments like these that would change the course of his fucking career.

"He wants you to work with the band, get six stellar tracks on that record and then, here's the cake, Not only will the seventh feature you, he also strong armed our label into getting your album off the ground, and you'll be able to record it at the same time. They're all down in LA already so he's asked for you and the gang to make your way down at the end of the week to get started." Crowley smiled openly as Dean jumped up and rushed at him, crushing him into a tight hug.

This was it, the break that would take him to the next level. Maybe he could actually _see_ Sammy during the holidays next year rather than doing the festival circuit without a break. Christ, maybe he could see Bobby instead of just hearing his voice over the phone every once in a while, finally go home for a bit. This gig could change his whole damned life. The mist in his eyes was mercifully unmentioned by Crowley.

"When do we tell the guys?" Dean said, beaming his head off and mentally packing his bags already. Black Wing wouldn't know what hit 'em.

 

***

Castiel opened one eye blearily, thankful for the foresight of installing blackout curtains in the bedroom, as the knocking on his door got more belligerent. The clock insisted that it was past noon but he was pretty certain it was seven am in hell. The night out drinking with Gabe might have had a part to play in that delusion, Castiel groaned and forced himself out of bed, meandering to open the door for the only person he knew that wouldn't have just barged in.

"Charlie, tell Lucifer that having him breathing down my neck is not likely to get him results and if he would be so kind as to hop off my dick about this I'd be much obliged." Castiel said blankly, waiting for her to skirt inside before closing the door with a soft click.

Charlie was the best manager/assistant/friend he'd ever had, but she was a talker and a half, never quite managing to contain her enthusiasm within herself. The fact that she was still quiet as she fluttered about opening the curtains and grabbing them both water was foreboding at best.

"Charlie?" He raised a brow at her as she handed him his water and sat down.

"I just got an email from HQ... Lucifer has decided that some outside influences wouldn't go amiss in helping solve the creative block we've got going on. He's eh... sending us some reinforcements." Charlie trailed off, knowing that no matter who it was it wouldn't go down well. Castiel was a great musician but he was also proud, sometimes too proud, they had a deadline to meet and maybe the mystery guest would help them meet it, but Castiel would refuse help from anyone. That being said, she was a little miffed that they weren't bring told who the hell was coming, or been given any warning other than an email that said to be ready for an arrival within the next couple of hours. She could have done without that first thing on a Sunday.

The look Castiel gave her said it all, the glower and pursed lips on top of the folded arms did not reassure her that everything would go down fine.

"Before you say anything, I don't know who it is, I can't get rid of them and they're, I think, Already here at least the text Balthazar sent seems to suggest that...Oh! And I'm sorry." It would almost be funny if she wasn't so sure that Castiel was going to treat whoever arrived with complete contempt, generally being rude and uncooperative to try make them leave.

"Ugh. They? Here already? And the guys just decided to hang out with these people we don't want around? What am I saying of course they did, little asshats probably arranged it all themselves.. So what I'm hearing is that I've been sent a babysitter by the label, and I have absolutely no say in it. Yeah I'm not a big fan of this at all so I'd like to amend my earlier message for Lucifer and add that he is a giant bag of _dicks_ and I hope someone scratches _every_ single record he owns followed swiftly by his cars and then his face. I need a shower at the very least before we do this, meet you downstairs in a bit."

Charlie took the dismissal for what it was and made her way out, patting Castiel's arm gently as she went. He didn't do well with being controlled, and right now space to be alone was the only balm for his frustration so she left as quickly as she had come, phone already in hand as she went.

 

He waited until he was actually under the shower to get angry, thumping a fist against the dark tile and watching as water droplets raced down to his feet around it. If he was honest it was mostly self directed anger. _He_ was the one who couldn't write a decent song, no matter who's bed he slithered into or how many nights he spent with someone just _dying_ to be his, there was nothing there. It was making him anxious, and clearly Lucifer too because he must have known that sending in a helper monkey would only make that anxiety worse. Castiel had handwritten every song on their four albums and now he could barely crank out a single decent track. Maybe it was because he'd said everything he needed to, the catharsis of memories and hurts from his parents finally over, leaving him in a creative rut. He didn't know but whatever it was that had him staring blankly at pages for hours on end needed to mend itself _fast_.

Looking into the mirror, Castiel couldn't remember a time when he had looked so exhausted, dark rings framing his blue eyes like two day old stage makeup that just wouldn't go away. He was tired all the time, constantly working or making an appearance at a party, causing a scandal every second day because of who he went home with, what he wore, where he showed his face. There was no off switch for the rock and roll lifestyle, and he enjoyed it, but it was busy and not private in any way so keeping this stranger's presence under wraps would be next to impossible.

Unless, Castiel thought carefully, unless they didn't spend any time together outside the studio. If their meetings were kept to a minimum there would be no reason for people to speculate about why some talented songwriter was in studio with one of the biggest names in music. With that in mind Castiel pulled on his shirt and tie, grabbed his wallet and headed downstairs to meet Charlie, and the strangers.

***

LA was still vaguely warm even though they were well into winter at this stage, a fact Kevin pointed out repeatedly as their U-haul was unloaded into the apartment they'd rented together because "group bonding is important guys, it'll be like college!" (Dean was bemused by that one because seeing as he'd never gone, Chuck had done a few courses at the local community college and Jo had gotten her degree online, Technically Kev was the only college attendee there so they'd have to take his word for it that it was a positive thing) Not that he was complaining, he loved all of them like they were family and it was no hardship to live with them for a few months here because they did spend a few months a year trapped in a tour bus together festival hopping.

It was a fair assessment to say that as a group they were pretty jittery, but all were trying to convince the others that they couldn't care less as they unpacked, screaming along (their collective tell, Dean was pretty sure) to the AC\DC album Dean threw on (His tell, Jo insisted). In no time at all they'd made their mark on the apartment, down to the last photograph they were finished unpacking and starving, which prompted a call to the nearest burger joint by the loser of a 'Finish that lyric" contest (Kevin).

The table was nice enough but the coffee table in the living room was something else, a glass over plants-that- were-still-growing type thing that all of them instantly loved and that was where Crowley found them, sprawled around it on the floor surrounded by a mass of wrappers.

"I'd ask" Crowley sighed "but then you might open your mouths. Your meeting as it were will be in studio, a lovely place by all accounts. I myself have to run, bit of business to take care of. Chuck, I leave you in charge, try to make sure they play nice. Any problems, be a grown up and figure them out on your own. Ta ta!" Quicker than he'd arrived he was gone in a flash of teeth and glare from sunglasses. Apparently they'd be fending for themselves. Awesome.

"Uhm, guys? I think we should probably get on the road if we want to actually arrive on time." Chuck offered quickly in his usual nervous tenor. Chuck was a strangely accurate guy when it came to timing, never once had his suggestions for when to leave lead them astray, or into heavy traffic, once he'd even gotten them to leave a festival fifteen minutes earlier which had meant they'd lost no time when they'd arrived at the police checkpoint twenty miles north.

With this in mind Dean quickly stuffed the trash into the can and scrambled out the door with the rest, bustling with nervous energy he almost forgot to close up behind him.

 

"Woah." Jo's barely uttered assessment of the building had Dean nodding fervently at her side. The 7 Circles recording studio was more like a luxury home that just happened to have music recording and production capabilities than any studio Dean had imagined.

"Bet you wish you'd thought of this when you were converting back home eh Winchester?" She laughed as he stuck out his tongue at her.

"Well I don't know Joanna Beth, I quite like what I did with the place." The swift punch in the arm he received for using her full name was, and would always be, worth it.

The reception desk was surprisingly vacant, but the tell tale clack of heels on hardwood made it clear that someone at least was coming. As it turned out, the clacks belonged to a beautiful young intern by the name of Ruby who was hoping to become a producer and was in night school to achieve that while working here to gain experience on the side. They managed to get to know her well enough that she felt comfortable, having lead their way through a series of convoluted corridors that eventually opened out into what she called "The green room", shoving them through the doorway with a chuckle and leaving them to fend for themselves.

Dean didn't quite know what to think of that, and he didn't really have a chance to dwell on it. Raphael, Gabriel. and Balthazar were sprawled across the various chairs together, laughing and messing about as they stumbled through the doorway.

Silence almost fell awkwardly between the seven of them, but Gabriel jumped from his spot on a massive purple bean bag with a glint in his eye. He was on Jo in an instant, taking her hand and raising it to his lips with a muttered "Enchanté". Jo for her part just stared at him in bafflement for a second before turning to face his brothers.

"Did he just seriously do that, is he for real? That is the strangest thing that has happened to me in a long time and a man once tried to pee on me in the middle of my Mom's bar." There was a tick where that registered with everyone and then uproarious laughter, and suddenly they were making introductions and dropping into seats of their own while Dean regaled the group with the full eyewitness account of exactly what had gone down the night of the infamous pee attempt. Which of course lead to Balthazar telling them how Gabe (Gabriel is not a name for anyone under two hundred) had once started a small riot at one of their own concerts because he'd offered his underwear to the first person that could make it up onstage, and specified that they were the underwear he had on right that second. And then Chuck describing how they had almost been arrested on Kevin's birthday two years back for doing a strip tease for a bunch of nuns as a dare.

By the evening tears were being wiped from eyes and a fast friendship seemed to have formed between them all.

"Listen guys, I don't know where Cassie is but I say we move this party to the diner a couple blocks from here, grab some food and come back here. I'm guessing he'll be up by then, he would be already if someone hadn't kept him out till six in the morning yesterday." Raphael said smiling, and with that they all pulled on various pieces of clothing that had been shed (notably Gabe lost a sock, just the one, somewhere along the line and Kevin was sure he'd been wearing a hoodie at some point) and grouped off to get some food. Dean excused himself momentarily to go to the bathroom and when he was finished they were all gone and he was alone in the sprawling depths of the studio.

 

He really got why they'd called it 7 circles because he'd _definitely_ seen the Hendrix painting he passed again twice at least before. On a whim he made a sharp left and started walking down an incredibly long corridor, chuckling to himself when he got the text from Chuck letting him know that they had realised he wasn't with them and were on their way back from picking up a piece of pie with his steak as an apology for leaving him behind. The phone distracted him completely from noticing the two approaching figures until there were only a few metres between them.

"Wait a second... _Dean_? Dean Winchester?!" Dean would recognise that voice, and the red hair that came along with it anywhere. Unabashed he dropped to one knee and smiled charmingly up at her.

"Your majesty." He said seriously, eyes crinkling up with mirth as she curtseyed and returned a quick "My liege" before rushing towards him and almost knocking him over when he stood up with the force of her hug.

"I can't believe you're here! I mean, they said someone was coming but I had _no_ idea, why didn't you _tell_ me you were in the business, I would have liked to salute the person that finally recognised your talent." Charlie spoke a mile a minute while the other person, Castiel, waited silently a few feet back.

Dean explained everything that happened since they'd last seen each other (at a LARP event a few years back) in about five minutes, quick to mock his own failings and praise the people that had given him a chance, and Castiel hated him. A little. Not at all.

He was something else, absolutely gorgeous with his green eyes and freckled skin and clearly a genuinely solid person as well, but Castiel didn't want him here, wanted him gone by the next month at least. He didn't need help from anyone, especially not some nobody rookie hick with a pretty face. Dean Winchester was not a friend, he was the enemy. The sooner he could show everyone else that, the better. The echo of encroaching footsteps reached his ears and Castiel knew he had to be quick if he wanted to get this out.

"Jesus we've been rude, sorry, Dean, meet Castiel Novak, my friend and occasional boss. Castiel this is Dean my sworn swordsman and old friend." Charlie said encouragingly and Dean, always polite in the face of people he'd be working with, held out a hand.

And held it.

Until eventually. He let it fall limply back to his side with an awkward grin and a blush creeping up his neck. Castiel almost felt bad, but the goal was more important than some random's feelings.

"Ookaaaaaaaay.... well uh," Dean's hand rubbed at the back of his neck nervously and that was a little bit satisfying, even if it earned him an elbow in the ribs from Charlie. "I guess you're probably still tired and stuff but um I look forward to working with you on this, your brothers seem really great and all your other stuff has been amazing so I'm pretty optimistic. You know I have--"

Castiel raised a hand and cut him off just like that, blue eyes piercing Dean's like he was looking right through him and seeing something he didn't like.

"Listen Dean, I'm not going to lie to you. I don't want you here. At all. I have never heard of you, don't trust you, don't know you and to be frank, don't want to. Let's be clear: you're here because Lucifer sent you and that is _it._ I don't want your input in any shape or form, and I most certainly do not need your help. So if I have to _endure_   your presence it'll be on my terms. I like to start working at 5am sharp, here in studio. That's where you'll be and when. Outside of you sitting in the corner playing with your toys while I work I don't foresee us spending any time together at all, and I will never meet you anywhere but in this building. I don't need you Winchester, so bring a puzzle or something to do with you tomorrow morning. 5 am, clear?"

Charlie was frozen still with her jaw halfway to Mexico by the time he was finished and Dean, well Dean had stiffened three words in and shuttered off before he'd eve made it to the details of the job. He was taking a brutal route, Castiel as well aware of that. But that was how it had to be, he just wanted to be left alone and if he had to take this guy down to do it then fuck the cost. Maybe in a different world, they could have been friends, or even something a bit more than that. In the real world however, Castiel was at war and he was not taking any prisoners.

The laughter had stopped when the footsteps had and the oppressive silence made it clear that their conversation had not been private. Just _wonderful_ , Castiel thought bitterly.

"I hear you Cas, loud and clear. I'll uh, I'll see you in the morning. If you would excuse me." Dean's fists were clenched to the point that Castiel had been so sure he was about to break something and probably spew abuse right back, of course that was before he'd opened his mouth and been polite as anything.

Which made Castiel look like the asshole who just rags on complete strangers with no provocation oh wait that's exactly what he was. Funny how things like that worked out. Dean turned on his heel and went back down the way he'd come, leaving Castiel with four very familiar disappointed faces and three new and furious ones. Instead of staying for what would no doubt have been a really irritating lecture, He pushed his way through the group and out of the building, eager to go home and remind himself that this was the right thing, even if the blank look on Dean's face while he went on his tirade would fucking haunt him. Standing out waiting for a cab on the sidewalk, Castiel focused on that thought.

In the long run, he was doing what was best for everybody.

***

Watching his youngest brother's trench coat swish and disappear around the corner and out of sight was almost a relief after hearing how he'd treated Dean. Sure he had always been a dry humoured, dead pan sarcastic mother fucker but he'd never been cruel, if anything he was the sweet one among them, always there to help. Evidently this would be an experience for them all. Gabe pulled a beer from his bag and took a swig of it, eager to overcome the silence that still lay over them as they stood together in the hallway.

"Well" he quipped, taking another swig "that could have gone better. Cassie usually takes his time before sweet talking them like that but this time apparently not. Who wants to bet on those two ending up playing homoerotic twister at some point? Any takers, those 5 am sessions sound steamy. No? Just me?" Laughter from all sides as he waggled his brows suggestively broke the tension somewhat, at least enough for them to start moving again, start speaking again as Charlie introduced herself and various apologies for Castiel's outburst were given.

All Gabriel could say for sure was that the next few weeks were going to be a journey for all of them because Cassie was stubborn but looking at Dean, smiling and cracking jokes as they settled down to eat as if nothing had gone down, he wasn't so sure that stubbornness would be able to hold up.

"What happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force?" He muttered softly to himself.

"Huh?" Jo asked, rummaging through a bag for her food. Gabe grinned slyly as he sat next to her, pulling her chair out much to the amusement of the others.

"Oh nothing, nothing at all."


	2. All of this is tearing us apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, nothing is mine unless otherwise mentioned!

_"If there's anyone near when we collide,_

_We'll throw them in the middle_

_They can pick sides,_

_As the plans turn into compromise,_

_The promises all turn to lies, the fight builds up and I can't get through,_

_Passive me aggressive you"_ \- **All of this, The Naked and Famous -[>](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7tB1Rzsg6AY) **

**Winter**

Three weeks. Three weeks of getting up at four in the morning five times a week and waiting in barely there sunshine outside the studio for Castiel to arrive and open up. Three weeks of forced silence while sitting halfway across the room from each other. At least Dean was able to write while they sat, he already had a few ideas for songs and if Cas wasn't on board with hearing them then he'd go to the other brothers instead during their weekly hang out. The blatant hostility was a trial, when Dean had asked if they were ever going to actually have a proper conversation Castiel had just looked smug and said "Maybe one day, but today you're my little bitch."

It had been a low point in their working relationship.

There was no reason for the bad mindedness, apparently Cas was actually a really nice guy in general, a little dry, but nice. His dislike of Dean was more of a principle thing than anything else. Still unpleasant for Dean, he really was trying not to lash out but it was getting more and more difficult. The problem with sitting in silence wasn't that they were being quiet, no, Dean loved quiet, craved quiet even. The issue was that he wasn't alone but he was _alone_ for hours on end, and the negative energy was starting to get to him a little.

 

Exactly three weeks, two days, ten hours and twelve minutes. That was how long it took for Dean to finally just go hang out with everyone else instead of waiting around like an idiot for Cas to get his head out of his ass. Yeah he had a bunch of new material for his own album, but that wasn't the only reason he was here and the silent treatment was getting him nowhere. He might as well just join the jam session down the corridor anyway, get the gang to help with the melody of the latest stuff he had been working on.

True to form all six of them were in a pile, tuning up, discussing various techniques and occasionally playing bits and pieces for each other. It was loud with voices and instruments and laughter, and it was about ten million times more useful than the silent city of Castiel's. At least he could get their opinions about what he was doing, and yeah they would also listen to his bitching about Cas.

In fairness he was acting the same way to them too, never joining their Friday night group dinner and certainly not going out with them. In the time that Dean had known him (in the broadest sense of the term) he'd seen three different articles accompanied by photos of people partying with Cas and then going home with him, always different people and always across town from where they'd be. It was just childish at this point. Taking the high road was annoying, but Dean was well versed in being the grown up of the situation and he would keep doing that here too, even if he was fairly sure Cas was at least three years older than him. But whatever.

"Hey, guys I was wondering if you'd go over this one with me, I like it so far but I'm not sure about the vibe,ya know?" Dean asked brightly as he handed scrawled pieces of sheet music around and Gabriel clapped him on the shoulder.

"Not playing guitar yourself Deano? Interesting choice, can all of your merry men play guitar and bass or do you just hope for the best?" He asked, amused as Kevin and Jo grabbed acoustic guitars from the rack against the wall and began tuning them quickly while Chuck looked at their music and made small notations here and there, adding his own percussion line because he always just knew what would sound good and Dean was kind of lost with it anyhow.

"They're all pretty good on an acoustic guitar at least, Jo and I learned to play that together in her Mom's bar when we were kids but bass was where she found her calling, and Kevin was a classical violinist before he started playing keyboard so we both had some lessons on the road and he picked both up pretty quick, as for Chuck well, he broke the neck off the last time we tried so, none for him just yet." They had always shared skills between them, from when they were young and Dean had taught Jo how to cook for herself so she could surprise her Mom with a birthday lunch, or when Jo had taught him everything she knew about waiting tables so he could get a job at The Roadhouse and start saving for college for Sam by working after school. When they had started playing it was no different, and Kevin and Chuck were very much on board, Each giving their own knowledge to the group as required. They had spent long days in the van together just hanging out and learning whatever they could teach one another.

It was just how they worked, and Dean was proud to see the fruits of it every time Kevin picked up a guitar, or Chuck helped a stranger with their car troubles, or Jo designed merch to sell online. In a couple of minutes they were ready to play, and seeing as he'd been working on this for three weeks Dean was hopeful about it being ok. And if it wasn't, he was confident that Balthazar would be the first to say so. The bass ready in his hands, he counted them in with a quick four beats and then waited for his cue to open his mouth and start, frowning briefly at the tambourine in Chuck's pile of odd instruments.

" _We never had that much to do so we just lay around in someone's house, Some day I'll have it all again, just like way back when...Open a window let the breeze blow in, forget everything. Yeah, those'll be the days that I'll be missing, when I'm old and when I'm grey and when I stop working, I hope that I can say, when all my days are done, we were just having fun._.."

By the last line all four of them had smiles on their faces and Dean was sure that he wanted it on the album. Balthazar had started playing along on the keyboard after the first verse and the random whoops and hollers from Raphael and Gabriel were actually good additions.In their laughter and yammered advice, no one noticed the door snick shut, or the retreating figure that had listened in as he slunk away.

 

//

When Dean had gotten up and left, Castiel had been, briefly, pleased. After all the aim of the game was to make him go permanently, leaving Castiel to deal with his mass of half written songs by himself. When he phrased it like that it sounded bad, but that was what he wanted.

What had really taken him by surprise was the loneliness that crept stealthily up on him soon after Dean's departure. He spent a lot of time alone, sure, but the arrival of the other band had meant he couldn't even spend time with his brothers for company because they would be with the others. Having to go across town to avoid being seen with Dean was a trial and even the multiple hookups he'd been having hadn't helped with the insidious feeling of being totally alone. Since what she had labelled The Dean Incident, Charlie too had been distant, shocked to her core at his attitude. These days the time spent with Dean in the studio was the only familiar interaction he had, sitting in relative silence punctuated by brief periods of snark, he'd already gotten used to his silent companion.

Which was a bad idea considering the fact that he was trying to get rid of Dean, and getting weirdly attached to him wouldn't exactly help that one along. Following him seemed ridiculous, Castiel knew where he was going to go, but the silence seemed empty now without the steady beat of Dean's breathing and the scratch of pen on paper. It was uncomfortable in there alone, and he had to see for himself what was going on, it was a problem, he was nosy, what are you gonna do?

He gave it a few minutes before he sought out the larger instrument base, the obvious place for six musicians to spend their time. He was man enough to admit that seeing the way Dean and his friends fit so well with his brothers bothered him on a deep and personal level, their easy camaraderie boisterous enough to allow him to tease the door open and listen in, another problematic activity of his. The pride that crept into Dean's voice when he discussed the relative musical talents of the group was different entirely from the way he spoke with Castiel himself, that was for certain. Between _them_ conversation was stilted and increasingly more irritated on Dean's part, his own lack of interest being the cause. That pride quickly disappeared as he began to tune up, focus and even some degree of shyness taking it's place.

When the music began however, Castiel was enthralled. The smooth timbre of Dean's voice was surprising, natural talent evident from the get go. Balthazar even deigned to join their exhibition, and Castiel saw now why Dean had been chosen. Even in the oppressive environment he had created for them to work Dean had created something heartfelt and genuine, working relentlessly to complete it, and then taken it straight to his band for their opinion. For a rookie he was... mildly impressive. One impromptu performance did not an artist make however and for once Castiel was glad that there was always a camera around because he had some research to do.

He left as quietly as he had come and didn't look back.

A quick search yielded a mass of results stemming back decades to when Dean was a child, guitar perched awkwardly over himself on what was clearly the stage at the local school while he sang his small heart out with a cover of Johnny Cash's 'I Walk The Line'. The crowd lapped it up, singing along and cheering while his eyes twinkled out at them and he finished, accepting applause bashfully and waving enthusiastically out at someone in the distance. He couldn't have been more than twelve in the video and already an obvious star in the making, so why had it taken over a decade at the least for anything to become of him? Castiel was curious about what had held Dean back, but more importantly the realisation that he was actually a potential asset was turning gears in his head.

If getting rid of the man was off the table, maybe the best thing to do was to use him, churn out the required material as fast as humanly possible and get him gone that way. Still, no need for excess contact or conversation, just two men working on music together. The fact that Dean had some small talent didn't play a role in the reality of Castiel's dislike of him, it had no effect on that at all.

"I need a drink." He thought to himself as visions of the awkward morning that lay in store for him tomorrow filled his head.

//

5 am was no joke, it was hell to get up at 8 let alone 5 but Dean had been dealing, he set bedtimes for himself and stuck to them, waking up at the first sound of the alarm and quietly. Making his way out of the apartment without waking anyone else to be outside the studio for 5 on the dot. Which was why he was so pissed when Cas rolled up at 7:30. He was the one that had set the ridiculous time, he should be the one to keep it.

"Where the hell have you been?" He growled at Cas, taking in the addition of sunglasses to his usual suit pants and tie combo. The hangover didn't make the prickly bastard any more friendly that was for sure.

"On a bender" Cas replied glibly, strolling past Dean while jingling the keys softly at him. Another dumb idea had been giving the keys to Cas, he was always the late one and yeah OK no one else would arrive until like 8 but still, from what Dean could see he was an irresponsible person in general, after all he'd been gone when Dean had gotten back to the writer's room yesterday, probably on that bender from early afternoon.

He got a distinct youngest child vibe from Cas even though Gabe had explained that they actually had one sister younger than him. There was something inherently annoying about the attitude he had towards their collaboration and the way he dealt with it. Dean loved to drink, getting drunk was his fifth favourite activity, but day drinking only lead down dark paths and he wasn't cool with doing that to himself or seeing it happen to the people around him. It was a waste of potential, and waste was just dumb. Cas was a grown man however and Dean didn't get to say how he ran his life so he bit his tongue and followed him inside.

 

The one thing that Dean could say was that the cleaning staff (unlike Cas) were really considerate of his writing space, happy to leave his notebooks alone and only moving things if they were on the floor. His corner was comfortable because it was tucked away; A desk and chair shoved against the wall, a sofa angled to face away from Cas's dominating grey suede corner monstrosity, his accoustic guitar and enough room to roll off of the sofa onto the carpet and still be comfortable. There was a seemingly endless supply of paper and pens in the desk drawers and even a few hidden snacks that meant he rarely ended up going to the kitchen for anything. All in all it was a nice space and he settled into it again for another, shorter, morning of work in silence, hanging his leather jacket over the back of the chair and rolling up his sleeves. It was a sofa day anyway he had decided, flopping into it and starting to scribble.

If anyone brought it up he would insist that he was already rolling to the floor when Cas spoke rather than stretching and surprised into hitting the ground like an idiot.

"Come here." Cas commanded, wincing internally at the thud of Dean's body dropping to the floor when he did so. That had not been his intention but it was an appreciated comical side effect that hopefully negated any witty retort Dean might have offered.

"I didn't know you had a dog Cas, where have you been hiding him?" Or perhaps not. Dean grinned cheekily at him from the floor, utterly at ease despite his blunder. He tried to bite it back, but Dean could see him fighting not to smile back at him, and that was a win in his book. Without waiting for the resigned sigh to make it's reappearance he pushed himself up off the floor and slid over to Cas's twelve seater, sitting opposite him expectantly.

"It seems as though I have little choice about your presence, so I might as well make use of you. That being said, I realised that my past actions haven't exactly endeared me to you, which is good in that I wish only to complete this album and be done with it, but at the same time is not conducive to a fruitful working relationship. So" Dean stared warily as Cas rooted around in his bag for something. Mace, a lollipop, who knew with him? The sandwich was a bit of a surprise, but then again the unexpected were Cas's weapons of choice, and from his general demeanour, he was as likely to hit Dean with it as eat it. "Please accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity. I would also like to change the stipulations of our work timetable to begin at nine as opposed to five and remind you that I do not want to be your friend. This is work and work only." He could do work only, work only sounded almost pleasant at this stage. Dean couldn't help but wonder what it was that had changed Castiel's mind even this small amount, but in light of his apparently changeable nature, he decided to take what he was given even if it made anxiety curl in his stomach. As annoying as the first three weeks had been, this seemed too easy of a turn around, after all nothing in particular had happened to cause it. Still, any port in a storm.

" Whatever you say comrade, now what are we looking at here?"

 

//

"I'm working with him OK? Now will you please stop with the silent treatment and the heavy breathing. It's creepy." Charlie laughed down the phone and Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn't spoken to him for weeks in protest and it had been... lonely.

"Oh thank God, I was getting bored without you around to make fun of, and I was doing the whole 'Scream' thing, it's supposed to be creepy." Rolling his eyes he flicked through the pages of ideas and lyrics Dean had been compiling with him.

"I don't get that reference Charlie, and _no_ I don't want to watch another terrible movie for the sake of understanding. Do you want to come over and go through this with me so we can decide what's worth going ahead with? I even bought that tea thing that you like."

It was as if he could feel her getting an idea and he groaned, well aware that it was going to be ridiculously annoying for him, and mandatory if he wanted her to forgive him. She had a real talent for putting him forcibly in situations that made him uncomfortable.

"Oh don't be like that Cas, All I ask is that you join us for once for Friday dinner , I'll even let you do it next week instead of this one because I'm a nice person. Please? You'll have a good time, it's actually pretty fun, and Dean won't even talk about work because his baby will have just arrived and that's all he's gonna are about plus he'll have his call from S-"

"Ok OK fine. I will attend one dinner. One Charlie, that's it. Now get over here would you?" Cas conceded her victory , as always, and rolled onto his back on the bed with a sigh as Charlie squealed happily. "I'm on my way up as we speak, Are you hungry? Because I made noodles." That made him pause.

"Charlie, how did you know I was going to call you early enough to make noodles for two? And to be at my place already? How did- Dean already told you didn't he?" Of course he had, They were friends and Charlie had probably been in contact with him the entire time, after all he was the one that invited her to those group dinners in the first place probably. He should have seen that one coming.

"He texted pretty much as soon as you left the room. But in fairness, I've been making dinner for two for weeks now waiting for you to stop being an idiot. You'll be the reason I get fat one of these days, mark my words, when I end up looking like a red head Jabba the Hut, you're to blame. Now stop sulking Cas and open the door, I made coffee cake too." Cas smiled gently to himself and hung up, rushing to the door because if he knew Charlie, and he did, it was fairly likely that she'd be laden down with Tupperware.

As he'd grown to expect with Charlie, she passed three tubs gratefully to him as she made her way to his kitchen, opening them as she went and releasing the delicious scent of home cooking into the air.

"Since when have you started calling me Cas?" The thought occurred him halfway through the bowl of noodles as Charlie regaled him with tales of the antics she had witnessed the previous Saturday. Charlie paused with her chopsticks midway to her mouth and frowned.

"You know" she laughed "I think it's Dean. He calls you that and it just kind of stuck." Three weeks and Dean Winchester had changed the way Charlie referred to him, the dynamic he shared with his brothers and even Castiel's own mind.

"Looks like he's changing all sorts of things" Cas remarked quietly and went back to his noodles, a seed of something _strange_ taking root in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Dean sings is Way Back When by Kodaline


	3. And I always will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long, I've been working for the past while so I had literally no time, hopefully update more frequently from here on out! TW for death of Mary Winchester description btw

 

 

_Love me tender, love me true,_

_All my dreams fulfilled,_

_For my darling I love you,_

_And I always will_. - _ **Love me tender, Elvis Presley[->](https://youtu.be/Txh5l7cQXa0)**_

 

**Winter**

 

"Look I just don't understand how you don't like him! He's exactly the type you'd usually go for, and you haven't even had one of his dinners yet Cassie, I swear you'll be running along behind him like a little dog once you've tried his food. And then there's his talent and his wit and his b-" Raphael continued to wax poetic about Dean but Castiel zoned him out, focusing for once on the treadmill beneath his feet. Christmas always made him antsy, having to go home and endure a week with his parents as compensation for always avoiding Thanksgiving was an annual nightmare. The last thing he wanted to talk about right now was Dean Winchester.

 

"Raphael. I agreed to come to one of your ridiculous group dinners and behave in a polite and amiable manner. I don't care what your thoughts on him are, I just don't like him and that's that so let's move on, perhaps to the fact that in less than a week we'll be headed back home? Have you even spoken to Anna yet about staying at hers this year, don't think I don't know you're waiting for me to get you in." That was what happened every year since they'd realised that Anna would take them in for the holidays if they asked her to, even if that meant sleeping on the floor she was all too happy to take them out of the delightful environment of their childhood home if only for the evening. And every year Castiel was expected to call her and arrange everything, which was fine except for the hour long interrogation that inevitably took place when he tried. This year he'd decided to play hard ball and only ask for himself, and while Anna knew full well he would have three other morons in tow, she'd agreed not to let on. Raphael groaned dramatically and flopped to the floor to get some water, awkwardly removing boxing gloves with his teeth.

 

"Can we not talk about it? I'm pretending it's not happening until we're physically there and even then, it's mentally not happening." Castiel chuckled and hopped off the machine, clasping his hands together and widening his eyes in mock rapture. 

"But Raphael, I've heard vespers has gotten even _more_ interesting since the last time we were there, and Bible study is only more enjoyable the hundredth time around!" Raphael snorted in laughter and Castiel sat next to him, squeezing water into his mouth and wiping himself down. The run up to Christmas was bad enough without having to deal with Dean and his rapidly crumbling disdain for him. The more time they spent working together the more he was starting to appreciate the talent he possessed and that alone was annoying to Castiel, he'd stood firmly behind his judgments or his entire life and Dean just sauntered along and he was flip flopping left right and centre? Impossible man didn't even realise he was doing it! It was infuriating!

"Back to the real issue then! Don't be such a downer Castiel, you might be surprised, you might actually, and I know this is hard to believe, enjoy yourself tonight. Give it a chance yeah?" Hopping to his feet Raphael headed towards the showers

 

He sighed. Whatever happened tonight would probably colour their trip home and he couldn't afford another fiasco, Gabriel and Balthazar had only just gotten over the first one.

"He's really that good of a cook?" He asked tentatively, maybe he could get through the night by simply eating himself out of conversation. Raphael turned and grinned at him, a dreamy look in his eye.

"Cassie, you have no idea."

 

###

 

Dean was confident enough to admit that he was nervous to have Cas over for family dinner night. Not that he wanted to _impress_ him or anything but somehow it felt a lot like this meal was his ticket out of Begrudging Colleague town and he didn't want to screw it up. Having his baby at least meant he could get grocery's in solitude without someone else hopping in the private minivan they'd been using to get around.

The morning it had arrived he'd had no choice but to take it for a spin, driving up to the hiking trails that overlooked the city and just breathing it in, the freedom he felt when the impala was there with him. The trails quickly became a refuge for him and he'd drive up of an evening, run a few miles and then sit on the hood, enjoying the night sky for a bit. What Sammy didn't know about his sappy ways couldn't be used against him. The grocery shopping had become something of a retreat for him too now that he didn't have to do it with any variation of his three band mates. It had felt like he was their frazzled and overwork parent who couldn't control their kids as they wreaked havoc throughout the store. Today especially he had needed this and the guys had been very aware of the fact, scattering out of the apartment early on to let him have some space, Jo tentatively asking whether they should reschedule the dinner before she left with Balthazar and Gabe, but Dean had brushed it off. Cooking was therapeutic, and the more people he had to do it for the less he'd have to think.

According to Balthazar, Castiel wasn't picky when it came to food, something Dean could appreciate a lot. In the spirit of hospitality and good food, he had decided to go full fledged Italian mother on this dinner with pasta and parmesean in abundance. Shopping for fresh ingredients in a town that was relatively new to him was nice, and the simplicity of pushing a cart down aisle after aisle in peace was soothing in a way he hadn't anticipated it being. Constant antagonism from Cas aside, being surrounded by people 24/7 was exhausting and just being alone was like a breath of fresh air.

 

Laden down with bags and a fresh basil plant he'd seen, instantly taken a liking to and named Tedison, Dean loaded up the impala and sat in it for a while just letting the feeling of home wash over him. He'd hoped to be able to make it down there at some stage over the holidays but so far it didn't look great. Yet another thread in the knot of anxiety he had about the day was the fact that he'd have to break that to Sammy. With things looking the way they were financially he just couldn't afford it for them both and it was more important that Sam get a break with the family than it was for him to, after all he had memories of Christmas with their parents to keep him going. Sammy didn't, and he needed to share the holidays with family even if he was a grown up, law school was very stressful and time away from the library would do him the world of good. All Dean had to do was convince him of that fact.

 

The drive back to the apartment was uneventful, Dean blasted Black Sabbath as he rolled into the parking lot and he knew the kitchen would be completely empty for him to work in so he started pretty much as soon as he put the bags down. Calling Sammy via Skype while he worked away was a tradition of theirs, probably because it felt a little like they were both in the kitchen together, Sam doing assignments and Dean making dinner like they had when they were kids. It was good to see him, even if it was only for a couple of minutes. Today he needed it, the familiar sound of Sammy's voice, the bright smile that reminded him so much of Mary's...

"Sammy, about Bobby's..." Sam sighed and shook his head, tapping his pen against the table like he was tutting with inanimate objects. 

"You can't make it? If you can't come then that means Jo isn't coming and Ellen will not be pleased, are you sure you can deal with that? I mean, it's not like with the impala you couldn't meet us halfway, I know Bobby would drive to meet you in a heartbeat if it meant you could come." Dean sighed and checked his lasagne, rotating the dish so it was evenly cooked before turning back to face his laptop and Sam. 

"If I could I would Sammy but it just isn't looking good for me alright? I'm trying here, I'll keep trying until the very last second but I just wanted to warn you in advance. Maybe spring break I'll make it out there and you can come down if you're not too busy with Jess, or she could come too, I'd like to meet her in person." Sam blushed, as if Dean wasn't going to notice the girl clothes that cropped up in his room or the name Jessica Moore on books that weren't on his course. Plus Jess had talked to him a couple of times just out of curiosity, she knew Sam was always talking to someone online and once when she'd been in the apartment alone and Dean had called, she had answered and the rest was history. He liked her, she was sassy in a way that reminded him a little bit of Gabriel actually, but less annoying.

 

"Do I want to know how you know about-- you know what never mind. Are you sure you're OK though, I know the anniversary always kind of..." Dean huffed a mirthless laugh.

"Screws me up?" Sam's half smile was careful and neither of them said anything for a while, Dean stirring sauces and avoiding the conversation, Sam scribbling notes and waiting for Dean to say something.

"I'll be fine, everyone knows the score and you know me, as long as I can avoid the topic I'll be fine. At the risk of making this a chick flick moment, how are things with you? I know you don't remember it the same way but, you're taking care of yourself right?" Sam had only been maybe three at the time, but there are some memories he has. Smoke, blonde hair and a red dress, sirens. Little pieces of the horror that was the worst day of their lives. He shrugged and gestured at the ocean of thick tomes and sheets of illegible scrawl surrounding him.

"Studying makes it easier to forget. I bought a coriander plant,called her Juniper, what did you get?" Dean shuffled off screen for a moment and came back with his herbs. "Basil, named him Tedison. Mom would've liked them, but I bet her names would have had some like, deeper meaning. Tedison just sounded funny to me." Sam grinned guiltily at him.

"I had Juniper berries for breakfast." Just like that the weight of their conversation, of the day itself lifted and the brothers laughed like they didn't have a care in the world. 

"Say hi to everyone for me, and tell Gabe that I don't know how but I know he was the one who glitter bombed my mail and that retribution is coming. I'll talk to Bobby, see if we can rustle up a stable connection at his place so you and Jo can Skype us over Christmas. Same time on Monday?" Dean smiled brightly at him and nodded, stopping his running about to say goodbye.

"Same time Monday. Later bitch." He quipped and Sam smirked back at the familiar moniker.

"Later Jerk." And with that Dean was left alone in his kitchen to finish up dinner and get dessert out of the fridge for some finishing touches. He'd like to see Cas be bitchy when he was enjoying the food of the gods.

 

###

 

Charlie had insisted on picking him up on her way to Dean's apartment, probably because she didn't trust him to make his own way there, And to give him a lecture on how not to behave in company, because it seemed to her that he'd forgotten. Her constant chatter was a distraction from the growing anxiety in Castiel's stomach. This wasn't part of the plan, he'd been very clear that he didn't want to be friends with Dean or his band, he just wanted to work and get them gone. Yet here he was walking up to their apartment with a bottle of red wine in his hands and a new appreciation for whoever it was that had the foresight to get such a secluded and secure apartment for them. No one had to know he was ever here.

Kevin opened the door for them with a friendly smile and took the wine Castiel offered happily, bounding off to the kitchen with it and telling them to make themselves at home. It was already loud with voices from the living room and sizzling from the kitchen, music and laughter ringing out at him as he strode in. There was no break in conversation, just Gabriel's enthusiastic shout of "Cassie! Tell Jo that I'm wonderful, she won't believe me." To which Castiel retorted dryly "Well then she's clearly much too intelligent for you Gabriel." Even Chuck laughed at that and Castiel sat down, no longer expected to say anything apart from the occasional sentence. Dean was sequestered away in the kitchen and Charlie slipped in and out bringing people drinks and switching up the music. Too soon Dean's call for food sounded and they tromped into the kitchen with anticipation, Castiel's eyes widened slightly when he took in the sight of Dean in his apron standing proudly over a monstrous amount of steaming food that had more than one person groaning aloud. 

"Well sit down then, while it's hot." No sooner had he said that then there was a scramble for chairs around the table and Castiel was left between Balthazar and Jo, two seats down from Dean.

 

He'd been carefully ingesting all drinks put in front of him so it was easy enough to blame the alcohol for the wanton moan that passed his lips when he took his first bite. He didn't know what Dean had put in the stuff but it was like some sort of delicious and cheese covered crack. It didn't stop Castiel from getting pissed off at the mocking he got over it, and he remained stonily silent afterward, no matter how good each dish he tried was he let everyone else do the talking, bitterly cursing his lack of control. Dean had blushed gently, ears going briefly red in the warm room and he hadn't met Castiel's eye since, focusing intently on everyone else as they talked and joked, inhibitions falling with each glass of wine that was poured.

 

Dessert - A perfectly crafted tiramisu - was devoured and gentle ribbing began, although Castiel was quick to notice that while Dean was one of the most vocal, he never received any jibes in return. Which, for some reason he couldn't quite work out, his tipsy mind had decided was because he was a wimp. A thought that decided to spill out of his mouth even though he had made it to the home stretch without causing any problems for himself. 

"Nothing for Winchester, what, are you afraid he'll run crying to his Mommy?" In a flash the jovial atmosphere was gone, Everyone staring wide eyed at him, like he'd kicked a puppy or some other heinous crime. Dean pushed his chair out from the table with his jaw clenched, eyes cast downward.

"Excuse me." He bit out as he all but ran from the room, the jangle of keys and slamming of the door all pointing to the fact that he was not coming back. Castiel looked around in confusion, completely lost. He'd barely said anything at all, and it definitely didn't warrant the reaction he was getting, Jo and Charlie looked pale for crying out loud! 

 

"What--?" Raphael sighed and shook his head, mouthing something unintelligible at Balthazar who was quietly apologising to Jo. Charlie swallowed hard and turned to face him, discomfort playing across her features.

"I thought you knew..." She began warily, looking around the table at the grim faces of everyone else around it. "Dean's family is... a sensitive topic at the best of times but today... Today is the anniversary of his Mom's murder." Castiel's stomach dropped. Even Gabriel, ever joking, was solemn. Her reluctance to continue was clear and Jo, dripping with sadness and anger as she was, took a deep breath and spoke.

"Mary was the best Mom you could have asked for and some fucking psycho followed her home from Christmas shopping one night, snook into their house and killed her just like that while she was trying to protect her family. The fucker burned their house to the damn ground to get rid of the evidence, he didn't care that their were people still inside, that Dean was inside, ten years old and watching his Dad trying to pull his Mom's body off the wall so she could be buried rather than burned. He could have died but he dragged his family out of that fire and when his Dad went off the rails hunting that crazy motherfucker down he grew up, dropped out of school and--. You didn't know. This once Novak, this once you get a pass. If you ever mention Mary Winchester in front of me, in front of Dean, I will end you. You hear? With my bare hands, so help me God, I'll do it."

 

Balthazar nudged him gently and gave him a look that brooked no argument, not that Castiel would have argued with finding Dean and apologising, the tale had been sobering enough at least to make sure of that. As he stood up to go Chuck rose with him, walking him to the door of the apartment with some advice about where he might find Dean. Just before Castiel walked away Chuck cleared his throat.

"Look, I don't know what it is about you that makes you so averse to Dean, but I do know that there is no one else on earth who hates him as much as you seem to. He's the type of guy who'll pull a baby out of a burning building, or take an alcoholic old coot under his wing and into his life, or drop everything he'd been building for a shot at making something great with someone he admired, even after they let him down again and again. Just... keep in mind the fact that in this scenario, the only one holding you back is you, because, and trust me on this one, he forgives everything, no matter how bad, he forgives you. Maybe it's time you gave him that chance. I'll... I'll see you tomorrow Castiel." He shut the door behind him and Castiel was suddenly alone with only one thought running through his head: He had to find Dean. Chuck's information to hand, Castiel ran.

 

###

 

Dean wasn't sure how he'd managed to drive from the apartment to the hills overlooking the city, he barely remembered getting _into_ the car let alone driving up there and yet there he was, sitting with the steering wheel clutched in his hands reliving the last time he'd run crying to his Mommy, her white night gown stained red and pinned to the wall, the echo of her screams ringing through his ears though they'd long since stopped. The smoke, filling up the room and choking him, Sammy's desperate cries, John's wild eyes and tearing hands trying to pull her down, already gone for good although Dean hadn't known it at the time, had only thought of his brother, ran to Sammy's crib and lifted him against his chest and then gone back for their Dad, forced him out of the building before it collapsed so they could watch, the only three Winchester's left, as it imploded in a ball of flames, Mary still inside. He stared unseeing into the distance, the opening chords of Hey Jude washing over him again from the speakers.

 

A knock on the window, gently apprehensive as it was, scared him beyond belief, his body tensing for a fight with fists up and teeth bared as a reflex before he even knew who was knocking. Frozen as he was, if it had been someone trying to rob him blind he wouldn't have known until it was too late to do much about it, but when the passenger side door opened it was Cas who climbed in next to him, awkward and silent. Slowly, he lowered his fists.

"Dean... I'm here to apologise. I had no idea..." Cas trailed off and Dean took some sick satisfaction in the way his hands were twisting the ends of his coat around nervously. Bitterness welled up in his throat as he huffed a mirthless laugh.

"Funny thing is that you could have known if you weren't so fucking _set_ on being a bag of dicks where I'm involved. Everyone else knew because they actually talk to me about something other than my apparent inability to write chord progressions to their standards or my general stupidity. Not that it matters much, I've dealt with people like you my whole life without a _Mommy_ to run crying to so I think I'll be fine." Cas winced, guilt and shame spilling over his face in flushed droves. Dean sighed,suddenly drained to his bones and ran a hand wearily over his face as John Lennon crooned in his ears.

"Look, I accept your apology OK? Just, please leave me alone alright? I'm not in the mood to have it out with you tonight so just go." There was a brief moment where he was sure Cas was going to finally do as asked and just give him some damn peace but no, if anything he seemed determined to stay.

"I don't deserve it, but I would like it if we could maybe start over. I know that after my less than stellar behaviour it might seem hard to believe but I'm realising that I was wrong, about your band, your talent, everything about you. It's not an excuse, but apparently my 'people skills' are 'rusty'. I'd like to be a friend, Dean Winchester, and a friend wouldn't leave you here in your car alone tonight so I'm going to stay, in silence if you wish it." With that he settled in, leaning back against the seat and staring down at the city still bustling brightly below them.

 

For some time they just sat there, Hey Jude looping over and over, filling the silence that Dean knew he should break, but everything he wanted to say was too full of grief to make it past his throat or too cutting for the newly formed bonds between them to withstand. He hated this day, the way it always, even after all these years, managed to leave him raw like an exposed nerve or a broken tooth, aching just because. It was the one day of the year he just couldn't hold himself together for, the one day of the year he'd take out the CD. 

He'd made this CD years previous when Sammy was still a scrap of a thing and never sleeping for reasons that Dean hadn't been able to puzzle out. One day it had occurred to him that maybe a lullabye would help, just like Mary had sang to him, and the CD was born, Track after track filled with songs she had sung, and the desperation Dean felt at the lack of sleep he was getting. It had worked like a charm, and after a few days just humming the tunes was enough to send Sammy to sleep, and leaving Dean with a disc full of memories that he couldn't bring himself to get rid of lest he forget a single song.

 

"She would uh" His voice cracked from lack of use as Cas looked at him for the first time since he'd apologised. "She'd sing this to me almost every night, this one and a few others and I just... I just like to hear them today, in her memory ya know?" Cas nodded gently, his understanding of Dean growing considerably.

"May I?" He asked, gesturing at the radio controls and Dean gave a sharp nod, ready for the repeat to be turned off, not quite so ready for the reality of letting a stranger hear the songs that meant most to him but something made him nod, maybe it was the softness in Cas' eyes, not pity or anything so uncomfortable, but solidarity, something completely different than what he'd grown to expect. Cas' fingers danced across the buttons, allowing tiny snippets of songs to play before he'd move on, listening carefully until he stopped with a pleased half smile.Dean closed his eyes and let the music wash over him.

"Elvis?" He said without opening his eyes and Cas hummed affirmatively back at him. "I can dig Elvis." 

When the sun rose, painting the sky in swirls of orange and pink, and Elvis soothed the birds from their sleep neither man was awake to see it.

 


End file.
